Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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