Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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