I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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