i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize