apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
