I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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