You're my little dorito
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
