Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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