Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
