I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
nutella sex= disaster
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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