Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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