there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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