And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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