I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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