Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
