dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
