my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize