i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
