I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
