I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize