he puts the penis in happiness.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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