I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
