Sry I called you an 8
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
