The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
