How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
