my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
