:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
