Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
