No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
