there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
