chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
