I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Alive.
So much puke
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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