9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
