I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
