You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
