Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
