Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize