Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
