That's intense
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
