In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
