guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Pants 0. Shit 1.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
