I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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