i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dear god my vagina.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
