god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
