when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need a beard to bite.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
