Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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