I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's just like the Real World with babies
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
