this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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