Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
