I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
