He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
