i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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