my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
