He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
