in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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