I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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