Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
