Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
