my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
