apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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