she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
