I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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