i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
