Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
