If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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