that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
