I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
