I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
