I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
