Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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